I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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