Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
