She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
