TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
