it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
