Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
