I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
