I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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