So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
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its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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