How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
