And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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