I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
