Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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