So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
