Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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