From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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