All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
