So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
