Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
