hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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