Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dignity is for republicans.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
