Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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