as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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