Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
