Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
