Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
