her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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