Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize