I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
