Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
