Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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