Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
