we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
