I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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