He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think I died a long time ago.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
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he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
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Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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