We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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