just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
