He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
