she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
