when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
