She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
