I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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