I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
