just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
