Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
