Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
