I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
