Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
