i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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