So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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