Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I supernannyed him into submission
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.