He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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