69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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