my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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