Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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