I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
