I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
