i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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