i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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