my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Success! We fucked roommates!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
