I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Did you just see the Batmobile???
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
