saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
