Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
